


Occupado

by The Spike (spike21)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-09
Updated: 2006-06-09
Packaged: 2020-09-26 19:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20394733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spike21/pseuds/The%20Spike
Summary: The Ancients had obviously contributed incalculably to the betterment of human science, but when it came to bathrooms, they were strictly ‘hole in the floor that you squat over’ people.  Not to mention ‘bidet people’.  Like the French.





	Occupado

**Author's Note:**

> Strangely no-one was around to beta this. I am not at all suspicious.

There’s not a lot Rodney misses about Earth but one thing he does miss is toilet paper.

Toilet paper and sitting on an actual toilet.

Specifically, he misses sitting on the toilet in his apartment on Earth, reading the newspaper on a Sunday morning, with the door slightly ajar in case Zoltan needed reassurance.

There was something incredibly satisfying about that and when it came to bathrooms, Earth had Atlantis beat.

The Ancients had obviously contributed incalculably to the betterment of human science, but when it came to bathrooms, they were strictly ‘hole in the floor that you squat over’ people. Not to mention ‘bidet people’. Like the French.

Of course, one could choose to be impressed that the hole was actually some kind of filtered matter disintegrator that could apparently tell the difference between organic human waste and say, one’s watch that one accidentally dropped in while putting it on and more importantly the hand one thoughtlessly thrust in there to save it.

(That there had been a sort of an undignified, high-pitched girly yelp made at the moment of this discovery is immaterial, regardless of what a certain Lieutenant Colonel says.)

And one could also admit, if pressed, that one didn’t so much squat over said hole as find one’s lower body lovingly cradled over it by some kind of buoyant force field that both warmed one’s chilly private parts and gently supported one’s weight.

One could even go so far as to say that the Ancient equivalent of the bidet-function was rather technologically impressive, combining the thoroughness of the old fashioned European model with a more strictly North American sensibility of not having to actually touch, smell or see anything unpleasant; and the added bonus of providing one with, if one waited long enough and seemed to be the least bit inclined, hands-free sexual satisfaction that was as efficient and pleasant as…

“Did you drown?” John grouses through the door. “Because I’m about to send in a MALP.”

Oh yes, there was that other thing he misses from Earth. What was it again…?

Started with P, rhymed with ‘Bivacy’…

He ignores the thumps of knuckles on metal that are John desperately needing access to his hair products, taking a small, smug, petty satisfaction from the fact that he got here first.

Of course,if one were to be completely honest, one couldn't really claim to mind all that much.

He doesn't miss being alone. Really alone.

Atlantis has Earth beat all to hell in that department.

*


End file.
